People-Pleasing (How To Stop Being A People-Pleaser)
People-pleasing is a form of bondage. A people-pleaser usually makes decisions based on other people’s opinions. The behavior of a people-pleaser is influenced by their family, friends, and society at large. People-pleasing refers to altering your behavior, words, actions, and attitudes in a way that conforms to societal expectations in an effort to be liked and avoid offending other people. Other people become your standard.
People-pleasing makes you care too much about whether people like you and you most of the time seek the approval of others before doing something.
Because people-pleasers depend on others for affirmation and validation, they end up becoming very unstable. They are unable to make firm decisions and are easily tossed to and fro. People-pleasers become puppets of other people. When someone wants something done in a certain way without any opposition, they normally approach a people-pleaser. Such a person will easily go along without asking many questions.
People-pleasing goes hand in hand with naivety and simple-mindedness. When a person is simple-minded, they lack good judgment. A simple-minded person wrongly thinks that many people are good-willed. They fail to realize that the heart of man is wicked and many people are selfish and are only interested in advancing their own interests.
Simple-mindedness makes a person not question the motives and intentions of others and blindly follows what other people say and where they are going.
The seed and root of people-pleasing is deep and is usually planted in childhood. Many people-pleasers did not receive the validation and acceptance they needed while they were growing up. In addition, maybe they were criticized and faced a lot of rejection. As a result, they lack identity and do not know who they are. Because of that, they start seeking validation and acceptance from people instead of looking up to God.
When you do not know who you are, you will live your life trying to please other people.
That deep void within you will drive you to seek validation and worth from other people, especially from relationships. People-pleasers easily fall into the hands of manipulators and abusers because they lack a strong foundation. They did not receive the love and security they needed growing up, which resulted in them growing up with a sense of lack, a sense of not knowing who they are, and they developed extremely low esteem and low opinion of themselves.
Low esteem makes a person think that other people are better. It makes a person live in shame, become shy, and put other people on a pedestal. People struggling with low esteem and worth put themselves down and elevate other people in an unhealthy way. They do not think they are capable of doing what other people are doing. They develop false humility that makes them degrade themselves and speak low of themselves. Because of that, they are unable to live to their full potential. They end up living defeated lives, unless and until they transform their minds with the Word of God and get to know who they are in God.
Do not be a people-pleaser, that is a miserable way to live. Do not live on the opinions of other people and do not allow other people to define who you are.
Stop seeking validation and acceptance from people. People will like you as long as you are giving them what they want but the moment you stop, those same people will turn their backs on you. Those people you try so hard to impress and please will be the same people gossiping about you and slandering you.
People should not dictate how you live your life; live in accordance with God’s Word, not people’s opinions. Stop seeking your worth from other people or from relationships. You have to come to a point where you know that your worth is only found in God. You may have grown in a broken home, you may not have received the acceptance and affirmation you desired, but that should not define you. The rejection you faced, the pain you endured, and the environment you grew up in should not define you.
God is able to heal and restore you so that you can start living a victorious life.
Rise above the things that have been weighing you down by the power of the Holy Spirit. Search your heart and get to understand what made you reach that point of becoming a people-pleaser. Then, ask God to heal those wounds in your heart and fill you with His love. Get to know God as a Father who loves you with unconditional love. Jesus Christ died for you and set you free. Do not live like a slave; there is freedom in Jesus Christ.
Labor to become a God-pleaser. Surrender your life to God and let Him have full control. Seek to please God, not men. Many people will never be satisfied, even if you sacrifice your whole life trying to please them. People are fallen and you should never make them an idol. God has not called you to please men, He has called you to worship Him alone and live for Him. Know the difference between loving people and people-pleasing.
Loving people does not mean that you do everything that people tell you to. You have to establish firm boundaries with love.
If you become a people-pleaser, people will use you and then dispose of you. They will treat you as an object and then discard you. That will then drive your esteem to even lower levels. You will start wondering why people do not appreciate all that you do for them. In the end, you will learn the hard lesson that many people are only interested in what benefits them; many do not care about other people.
Pray for wisdom from God so that you know how to live with people in a healthy way. Ask God to give you good judgment and discernment. Spend time with God praying and studying and meditating on His Word. With time your mind will be renewed and transformed and you will grow into spiritual maturity. You will be able to discern between good and evil and stand firmly on what is right and true.
Reach a point where you can firmly stand your ground. As long as you know what you are doing or saying is right and true, you should not be worried about what people will say or think. Do not waver; do not change your stand in an attempt to please people.
Let your life be firmly rooted in Christ. Build your life on the firm foundation of Jesus Christ and refuse to conform to the patterns of this world. Do not be afraid of walking alone for a season.
When you decide to live for God, many people will walk away from you. The moment people realize that they cannot manipulate you any longer, they will walk away or fall off. When people cannot get what they want, when they can no longer abuse you, when they realize that you now know who you are, many will choose to stay away from you. Some will start gossiping and saying that now you think you are better than them.
Do not give in to the manipulation tactics. Such are attempts to make you fall back into the trap of people-pleasing. Stand your ground. Continue living for God. Pursue holiness and righteousness. Do what pleases God, even if it is unpopular among those around you. Choose to live a set-apart life for the honor and glory of God. With time, God will bring your way people who are on the same path as you are, people with a genuine love for you and for God, people with who you are equally yoked.
The only way to overcome people-pleasing is with God’s help; you cannot do it alone. It requires complete transformation from the inside out.
You have to put in work into growing and becoming the person that God desires you to be. As you become transformed, you will realize that you are becoming free and your desire is to please God above all else. As you become grounded in God and get to know who you are in Him, you will be able to exercise good judgment and make firm decisions rooted in the Word of God. With time, you will be able to love people genuinely while at the same time establishing firm boundaries.
For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ. Galatians 1:10.
Blessings.
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Originally published at https://www.vickysforum.com on February 28, 2022.
